英语笑话：Homework
A ten year old student asked,"Teacher,would you punish me for something Ididn't do？” "Of course not.”The teacher replied. The kid said,"Good, because I didn't do my homework.”
一个十岁的学生问："老师,你不会因为我没有做过的事而处罚我吧？”
老师回答："当然不会.”
这孩子说："太好了！因为我没有做家庭做业.”
英语笑话：Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened？"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again？" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
英语笑话：You're Wrong
A grocer is serving customers when he sees a small boy standing near an open box of sweet biscuits.
"Well,my boy.”says the grocer,"what are you going to do？”
"Nothing.”
"Nothing？Well,it looks as if you are trying to take a biscuit.”
"You're wrong,sir.I'm trying not to.”
英语笑话：Stand Up
A man sobering up from the night before was sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nodded off. The priest had been watching him all along, noticing his apparent hangover and was disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decided to make an example of him. He said to his congregation, All those wishing to have a place in heaven, please stand.
The whole room stood except, of course, the sleeping man. Then the preacher said even more loudly, And he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP！ The weary man caught only the last part groggily stood up, only to find that he was the only one standing. Confused and embarrassed he said, I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing up for it！